The hits just keep on coming.

Well this has been an all around shitty week. I went to the 31 NC, Came home to my boyfriends oldest in the hospital with very high fevers. He was flipping out because he is thousands of miles away and his baby is in the hospital and no one knows what is wrong with her. She gets to go home then gets put BACK in the hospital less than 24 hours later and they think it may be Leukemia. If that doesnt stop a parents heart I don't know what will. She was cleared later that same day and we were told it was a very bad virus. I am very lucky that her mother allowed me to spend the day with her in the hospital. While we were there the girls step dad got sick and spiked a fever. I went over and picked up the youngest for the evening. I was scheduled to work but with the lack of sleep and the emotional and mental stress from the day I called off an ddecided to keep her for the night. The main goal was to keep her as germ free as possible. Huge plus side is that I got to spend some one on one time with a very special little girl. The next morning we both woke up coughing and feeling gross. I took her back to her moms and her older sister was feeling much better. I went home and went back to bed. I felt well enough to go to work that night so it was all good. Yesterday their fevers were both gone in the mornng so their mom let me take them for the night. Now their mom is known to be a pathalogical liar so keep that in mind. Well we were talking about the girls school, since my hunny is deployed and gave up his apartment, the girls lost their assignment to their elementery school. We ended up talking for a couple of hours about school stuff, living arrrangements ect. This DRAMA had to happen the day after he told me he decided he was going to sign and stay as another year as a contractor in Afghanistan. I felt like my world is falling to bits. I understand the money is FANTASTIC and it's true that he doesnt have a job lined up for him to come home to and the economy sucks. But his little girls need him and dammit I need him too! Thats it for right now. I know no one reads this and its just for my eyes but blogging makes me feel so much better somehow.

I feel like this deployment will never end. I'm so damn lonely and stressed. He is enjoying himself and wishing he saw more action, maybe even get his arm blown off. He wishes he was in the Salerno attack so he could kick their asses. Now he is talking about finding another reserve unit to deploy with when he comes home.

Lonely as hell

This past week has been very hard. Bobbys unit lost an aircraft a few days ago. His best friend was on it and was critically injured. Bobby is OK physically but that accident hit very close to home for him and he is having a hard time dealing with it. The day he posted that "if you heard it on the news that yes it is our unit and no its not good". And then not hearing from him for a few hours and then when he answered my are you alright with a no then another couple of hours of not hearing from him. That was the hardest  day so far. I have never been so scared, restless, upset as I was waiting for news. The closer he gets to coming home the harder of a time I am having. After the accident I now fear for him constantly and I try to think about other things but the fact still hangs there that HE could have been in the aircraft that day and HE could have been critically injured. I want my man to come home and in one piece. If something happens to him and he comes home broken I will still love him just as much but you know, the preference would be all in working order. This whole time I have been worried about what this war could do to him physically, I never really stopped to think about the toll it would take emotionally and mentally. I know he came back from his first tour in Iraq with very few mental scrapes and bruises because his home life was falling apart while he was gone. i just thought that he would come back the same way. Just back into a better family situation. I don't know what he is going to be like when he comes home. He came home from R&R fine just very tired but now he has dealt with more. Lost a good friend, that does something to people.
I miss him so much and its getting harder and harder not having him here. I just want a hug. I just want to be held by him. I want to hear his voice, I want to smell him in a hug. I want to be with him again. It physically hurts not having him here. I get sad at happy times because I cant share them with him.I want to have someone to lay with at night and talk to for hours. I miss his stupid airsoft BBS everywhere and dripping over his boots he left in the middle of the living room. I have fallen in love with him more in the 10 months he has been gone than the 8 month we were together before he left. I dont know how but we did. Now I cant imagine life without him. I love him plain and simple.

87 more days untill he comes home and it's getting harder and harder every day to be without him. It's been 9 months that he has been gone and I'm on auto pilot. I just try and get through the day. I don't get excited about anything. Hell I don't even care about Christmas and I LOVE Christmas I don't care about anything. I want a hug from him. I want nothing more than to feel his arms around me, holding me close. To feel safe, protected and loved. I'm tired of being on my own, of coming home to an empty house. Not being able to tell him about my day as he works on airsoft guns or I try to make an eatable meal. I miss standing there thinking and him coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around me and kissing my neck. Him telling me I'm pretty or it's ok the smell of burnt bacon will go away......eventually. I miss sleeping with him. Having his arms wrapped around me all night long. Little kisses all over my face when he has to get up for work. I miss watching him play his stupid video games.I miss him throwing his dirty clothes beside the hamper because he knows it drives me batty. I miss him acting like a butt because he thinks it's funny. I miss all of that. I miss him coming home from work dog tired and giving me a hug. I miss holding his hand while we watch movies. I miss him playing with my hair when I drive. I miss seeing him get excited about airsoft or his crazy ideas about juggernaught games and reapers. I miss him laughing at me when I get stressed about stupid stuff and when I throw crap across the room because it didn't do what I want. I miss taking off his boots after a long day. I miss watching him sleep. I miss running my fingers through his hair. I miss him trying to show me stuff I just don't get. I miss they way he gets excited when he talks about his helicopters or how they work. I miss knowing that when he has a bad day I make it a little better.i miss all of it. But most importantly I miss my man. I never knew that A relationship that was just supposed to be a fun temporary thing would turn into this. That he would turinto someone I never want to be without in my life. Someone who would make me realize that I had no idea what I means to truly love someone. To have them be a vital part of your life. I feel loved, whole. That I have someone on my side no matter what. Someone that at the end of the day I know I have on my side no matter what. Even when we have our fights and arguments, instead of running away I just want him to hold me, no matter how upset or hurt I am. He drives me absolutely crazy sometimes and hes hurt me in the past but even th worst days of our relationship beasts the best says of any other relationship I have been in. I love him. Really and truly and I don't know what I would do without him. It's probably a good thing he has no idea that this blog exists. Some of this stuff I think I would be embarrassed if he knew how I felt about some things. I could marry this man tomorrow and now I will be happy for the rest of my life. That I made the right choose and won't want anyone else. He has been gone for almost a year and I still have no interest in any other man. I don't need anyone else. I have the only man that matters to me and I will wait however long it takes to have him back in my arms. We had some rough times and had to unload some old baggage but I Wouldn't trade any of it. I love him just the way he is. He is mine and I am his and I truly, deeply love him. Forever. F

Its hard. Giving up being with the one you love more than anyone for a year. Deployments suck there really isn't another way to put it. I have nights where I cry and cry till I fall asleep. I have days I get so stressed and overwhelmed that I don't think I can handle it anymore. But then I think about all the hugs and kisses, all of the I love you and I miss you's.  All of the laughs and smiles, all of the snuggles and the warm fuzzies and it gives me the strength I need to make it to the end. To stay true to my man and never give up on this. Deployments end, and when his does I will be right here waiting for him. He is my one and only and I love him. I will stay true to him and I will support him. I may not be perfect and I may get overwhelmed and break down from times to time but I will always pick myself back up and brush myself off. Because in the end he is my soldier and I will be strong and make it through for him. <3
                 - Brittany J. Fuller

About me and my life

       My name is Brittany and my man is in the Army and is currently deployed to Afghanistan. I'm 23 and have never dated anyone in the military before and had never planned on it. But in February 2011I went to Monster Jam and meet my now boyfriend. He wore his uniform to pick up chicks and I thought it was really funny and that he was kinda cute but very goofy. I had no interest romantically in him then. He had an ex- wife, 2 daughters and was ten years older than me. Oh yea, he was in the military. Its not like I am against military men but I didn't want to deal with deployments and such. The night I met him he told me he would be deploying in September of that year and I had no intention of getting involved with him. A few weeks after we meet we got to talking and had a lot of fun. He tried to get me to hang out with him but I was wary. I thought he was cute and that's about it. After a while I really started to like him. I got to meet his 2 beautiful daughters and I fell in love with him almost immediately.  By the time August rolled around I realized I had fallen for him and also that the Deployment was about two months away. I had to make a decision weather or not to stick it out or not. In the end I realized there was no way in the world I could walk away from him and the girls I was too far in. So October 13th the girls and I put him on an airplane to Fort Hood, Texas for the start of his deployment. It was a very hard day but I knew I had made the right decision.
   
       The next couple of months took some getting used to. I went from seeing him every day and being able to talk to him most of the day to not seeing him at all. And the worst part was I couldn't talk or text him except for certain times either. I had a couple times where I broke down and cried but for the most part I kept it together. He did get to come home for thanksgiving weekend which was hard on us. we bickered and fought and had a really rough time. I was actually happy to put him back on the plane to Hood. About a week after he got back he got shipped off with his unit to Afghanistan. FOB Salerno A.K.A. Rocket City (Pakistan likes to hit the FOB frequently with mortars and rockets).

     Our communication was limited, sometimes going a week without talking.  That was hard, but somehow we actually grew stronger in our relationship and fell deeper in love. I took care of everything for him at home and tried to make his life better as much as I could from back in the states. I wrote him daily and about once a week I sent him between 8 and 11 paged letters. writing him about life and me turned into a sort of therapy for me. The one thing he asked for before he left was for letters from home. 

               In march he came home for R&R right around his daughters birthdays and mine as well. We went to Disney and had an amazing time. we also got to spend time together and we realized really how amazing the other was. It was the greatest feeling in the world to have him home. sadly two weeks ended way too soon and yet again the girls and I put him on the plane to Afghanistan.

    This Blog is for me to talk about him, life, how I cope, and just life while the man I love is deployed.