87 more days untill he comes home and it's getting harder and harder every day to be without him. It's been 9 months that he has been gone and I'm on auto pilot. I just try and get through the day. I don't get excited about anything. Hell I don't even care about Christmas and I LOVE Christmas I don't care about anything. I want a hug from him. I want nothing more than to feel his arms around me, holding me close. To feel safe, protected and loved. I'm tired of being on my own, of coming home to an empty house. Not being able to tell him about my day as he works on airsoft guns or I try to make an eatable meal. I miss standing there thinking and him coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around me and kissing my neck. Him telling me I'm pretty or it's ok the smell of burnt bacon will go away......eventually. I miss sleeping with him. Having his arms wrapped around me all night long. Little kisses all over my face when he has to get up for work. I miss watching him play his stupid video games.I miss him throwing his dirty clothes beside the hamper because he knows it drives me batty. I miss him acting like a butt because he thinks it's funny. I miss all of that. I miss him coming home from work dog tired and giving me a hug. I miss holding his hand while we watch movies. I miss him playing with my hair when I drive. I miss seeing him get excited about airsoft or his crazy ideas about juggernaught games and reapers. I miss him laughing at me when I get stressed about stupid stuff and when I throw crap across the room because it didn't do what I want. I miss taking off his boots after a long day. I miss watching him sleep. I miss running my fingers through his hair. I miss him trying to show me stuff I just don't get. I miss they way he gets excited when he talks about his helicopters or how they work. I miss knowing that when he has a bad day I make it a little better.i miss all of it. But most importantly I miss my man. I never knew that A relationship that was just supposed to be a fun temporary thing would turn into this. That he would turinto someone I never want to be without in my life. Someone who would make me realize that I had no idea what I means to truly love someone. To have them be a vital part of your life. I feel loved, whole. That I have someone on my side no matter what. Someone that at the end of the day I know I have on my side no matter what. Even when we have our fights and arguments, instead of running away I just want him to hold me, no matter how upset or hurt I am. He drives me absolutely crazy sometimes and hes hurt me in the past but even th worst days of our relationship beasts the best says of any other relationship I have been in. I love him. Really and truly and I don't know what I would do without him. It's probably a good thing he has no idea that this blog exists. Some of this stuff I think I would be embarrassed if he knew how I felt about some things. I could marry this man tomorrow and now I will be happy for the rest of my life. That I made the right choose and won't want anyone else. He has been gone for almost a year and I still have no interest in any other man. I don't need anyone else. I have the only man that matters to me and I will wait however long it takes to have him back in my arms. We had some rough times and had to unload some old baggage but I Wouldn't trade any of it. I love him just the way he is. He is mine and I am his and I truly, deeply love him. Forever. F